In a couple of days, for the second and last time, I’ll be the mother of the groom. It’s really something; a role without a role. Basically, I just show up. Smile. And cheers!
There’s something to be said for skipping the stress and details of wedding planning so please don’t get me wrong: I’m not complaining. My point is that boys are different from girls, as you may well be aware. What might not be so obvious is that boys are much, much different from girls in their transition to adulthood and entré into permanent relationships. I’ve long since reconciled with the way this works. They leave and they cleave.
I’ve been teased, perhaps ridiculed, for this perspective but I don’t care. For one, it’s scriptural. For another, it’s entirely necessary. In order for boys to do what they need to do (i.e. become good husbands and daddies) they must leave mommy behind! As a mother of two boys, I’m okay with that. In fact, I’ve encouraged it.
I love my boys. I treasure the sweet memories I have of their growing up years. I appreciate their continued kindness and consideration for me. They are delightful! I don’t give them away easily. But I know from personal experience that if they, as married men, are overly concerned about about what I think, what I might say, or how I might react to any particular situation, then they are investing their energy in the wrong place!
Which is not to say it’s easy to let a son go, or that I’m always graceful about it. It’s just that it is so important. I want my sons to fully become the men they should be. I want each of them to care more for his wife and family than anything else in the world, except God. I want him to always have her back in the push and shove of close family living. At least, publicly. Sometimes, privately, he will need to set things straight!
I want my sons to be leaders in every sense of the word but especially in leading their families to explore and deepen their faith. I want them to be fulfilled in the way that only husbandry and fatherhood can realize. That may sound like a lot to want but it’s not too much. It’s the way it’s supposed to be. Everything else falls into place, then. One way or another, I believe they’ll get there.
I’m thrilled about seeing my firstborn enter the sacrament of marriage. I can hardly believe how much she is his perfect, complementary match. They’re like yin and yang. Salt and pepper. And polar opposites! In some ways it reminds me of us, thirty years ago. Which is not to say it’ll be easy. But it’ll be worth it.
Mazel tov! And Godspeed. May the next Mr. and Mrs. be abundantly, amazingly blessed.